This is why God made editors!

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-g ood-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren 't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
************* ***************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

WITCHYS WIKKED GRAPHIX

Happy Halloween!!!!!! From Me to You All!

Beware Of A Witch

May Halloween Frolics Engage You Tonight

Happy Halloween

Halloween Is Almost Here!

THE WATCHER

A man went to a hotel and walked up to the front desk to check in. The woman at the desk gave him his key and told him that on the way to his room, there was a door with no number that was locked and no one was allowed in there. Especially no one should look inside the room, under any circumstances. So he followed the instructions of the woman at the front desk, going straight to his room, and going to bed. The next night his curiosity would not leave him alone about the room with no number on the door. He walked down the hall to the door and tried the handle. Sure enough it was locked. He bent down and looked through the wide keyhole. Cold air passed through it, chilling his eye. What he saw was a hotel bedroom, like his, and in the corner was a woman whose skin was completely white. She was leaning her head against the wall, facing away from the door. He stared in confusion for a while. He almost knocked on the door, out of curiosity, but decided not to. This disinclination saved his life. He crept away from the door and walked back to his room. The next day, he returned to the door and looked through the wide keyhole. This time, all he saw was redness. He couldn't make anything out besides a distinct red color, unmoving. Perhaps the inhabitants of the room knew he was spying the night before, and had blocked the keyhole with something red.

At this point he decided to consult the woman at the front desk for more information. She sighed and said, "Did you look through the keyhole?" The man told her that he had and she said, "Well, I might as well tell you the story. A long time ago, a man murdered his wife in that room, and her ghost haunts it. But these people were not ordinary. They were white all over, except for their eyes, which were red."

------------------------------------

STATUES

A few years ago, a mother and father decided they needed a break, so they wanted to head out for a night on the town. They called their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrived, the two children were already fast asleep in bed. So the babysitter just got to sit around and make sure everything was okay with the children. Later that night, the babysitter got bored and went to watch TV, but she couldn't watch it downstairs because they did not have cable downstairs (the parents didn't want children watching too much garbage). So, she called them and asked them if she could watch cable in the parent's room. Of course, the parents said it was Okay, but the babysitter had one final request... she asked if she could cover up the clown statue in the corner of the bedroom with a blanket or cloth because it freaked her out. The phone line was silent for a moment, and the father who was talking to the babysitter at the time said, "Take the children and get out of the house... we will call the police. We do not have a clown statue."

Scary Urban Legends

As told by Emily Dunbar...

One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed.

Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically.

Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!"

When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down.

Moral of the story check the back seat.

Scary Urban Legends

As told by Emily...

My mother swears this is true:

My great-great grandmother, ill for quite some time, finally passed away after lying in a coma for several days. My great-great grandfather was devastated beyond belief, as she was his one true love and they had been married over 50 years. They were married so long it seemed as if they knew each other's innermost thoughts.

After the doctor pronounced her dead, my great-great grandfather insisted that she was not. They had to literally pry him away from his wife's body so they could ready her for burial.

Now, back in those days they had backyard burial plots and did not drain the body of its fluids. They simply prepared a proper coffin and committed the body (in its coffin) to its permanent resting place. Throughout this process, my great-great grandfather protested so fiercely that he had to be sedated and put to bed. His wife was buried and that was that.

That night he woke to a horrific vision of his wife hysterically trying to scratch her way out of the coffin. He phoned the doctor immediately and begged to have his wife's body exhumed. The doctor refused, but my great-great grandfather had this nightmare every night for a week, each time frantically begging to have his wife removed from the grave.

Finally the doctor gave in and, together with local authorities, exhumed the body. The coffin was pried open and to everyone's horror and amazement, my great-great grandmother's nails were bent back and there were obvious scratches on the inside of the coffin.

Scare me!!

GO TO THE AUTHOR ROAST AND TOAST

Tomorrow as a member of the Author Roast and Toast Blog, http://authorroastandtoast.blogspot.com, we welcome Roni Adams/Rhonda Penders. I would like to welcome all of you to participate and leave a comment for her blog. Let's show her what she means to us!



Be there or be square!

Scary Things

Well this one isn't scary.

Home sweet home.

Not the best costume.

Ha!

Yes Happy Halloween All

Play by FoxSaver®

Why We Carve Pumpkins at Halloween

Why Do We Carve Pumpkins into Jack O'Lanterns on Halloween?

The phrase "jack o'lantern" is British and dates back to the 17th century, when it meant "man with a lantern" -- a night watchman. It was also a nickname for the natural phenomenon known as ignis fatuus (fool's fire) or "will o' the wisp," the mysterious, flickering lights sometimes seen over wetlands and associated in folklore with fairies and ghosts.

Over time "jack o'lantern" became a popular term for a homemade object also known as a "turnip lantern," defined by Thomas Darlington in his 1887 volume The Folk-Speech of South Cheshire as "a lantern made by scooping out the inside of a turnip, carving the shell into a rude representation of the human face, and placing a lighted candle inside it." In some parts of Great Britain carrying jack o'lanterns was known as a form of pranksterism. As Darlington writes, "It is a common device of mischievous lads for frightening belated wayfarers on the road." In other locales (or perhaps in earlier times) people carved jack o'lanterns on the eves of All Saints and All Souls Days to represent souls of the dead trapped in Purgatory.

According to legend, the jack o'lantern was named after a reprobate Irishman called Stingy Jack who tricked the Devil into promising he wouldn't go to hell for his sins. When Jack died he learned he was barred from heaven, so he went down to the gates of hell after all to beg for a final resting place. Wouldn't you know it, the Devil kept his promise, dooming Jack to wander the earth for all eternity with only an ember of hellfire of to light his way. Thenceforth he was known as Jack O'Lantern.

It wasn't until Irish immigrants brought the custom of carving jack o'lanterns to North America that pumpkins began to be used for that purpose, and not until the late 19th century that pumpkin carving became a Halloween fixture.

We carve pumpkins because it's fun and it reminds me of my childhood with my brothers and sisters.

Ashley Ludwig on the Author Roast and Toast Blog Today

We who host the Author Roast And Toast Blog
http://authorroastandtoast.blogspot.com, are proud to announce Ashley Ludwig as our next
victim, sorry I mean guest, on our weekly blog. Come and read what she has to say. Come and tease and laugh with the rest of us as we feast on Ashley's choice of repast. We have a lot of fun, we get to mess with one another and we get to be less serious for a while, while we forget our troubles.
Join us and our handsome Butler, Oliver, he's such a......a....a...man.
Cuddles will amaze you with his magic abilities, while Junior wags his tail, licks you and reads your mind.
Friday's now, with Sharon Donovan, Hywela Lyn and myself, will be the best day of your week.

Wish Lyn a joyous Happy Birthday and many more!!


There will be a prize for the best answer to the question?

Just A Quiet Day

In October I go to North Carolina and when I sit on the porch I will be looking at wonderful view of the mountains, while I smell the earthy, woodsy odor of the forest, and the sweet smell of wild flowers. The country is so much better than the city.
It raises me up. It makes me calm and happier to be there. The leaves will be changing, and the nights will be cool.

Then my cousin sends me a joke and I remember to laugh a little too. It don't get
any better than that.

Four Worms and a Lesson to be learned

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars..

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

The Third worm in chocolate syrup -Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil -Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service

Then we decided to take the worm to North Carolina. Last I saw it, it was making tracks toward a nice pile of dirt. Do worms smile? I coulda sworn...

Author Roast and Toast On Friday 9/25!

Don't forget to go to http://authorroastandtoast.blogspot.com on Friday, 9/25. We are roasting and toasting Kat Henry Doran and having a great time doing it.
Sharon's butler, Oliver, is polishing glasses, making hor d'oeuvres, and just got back from having a facial, hair styling, and waxing. He wants to look his best. I hope he is not wearing that loincloth again this week.
Junior is thoroughly searching the property for places where the paparazzi might try to take pictures.
Cuddles is in the air and comes down to magically touch the areas that Junior barks at. Instantly the fences are repaired and the thin areas of the hedges are fixed.
Lyn is sending out reminders and Sharon is setting out the martini and other drink fixins.
Welcome to anyone who wants to make a comment or tease the heck out of Kat. That is your mission. This is your opportunity, use it. That is exactly what we want you to do. What's the word? Outwit, out comment, out last, hey Kat's book is out!
If you want to have fun, if you want to join in some wonderful fun . Come by anytime from 10:00am on to well past 5:00pm when everyone gets home from work.
We are ready. Come and get Kat!!

Ha! It feels good to Laugh Out Loud

No this is not my DH but he wouldn't pose for me so I had to use this picture. The purpose of this picture is to make you stop and look at my blog.
First I offer you a hot looking guy, then I pass along some jokes.

But I would also like to mention that I am still on cloud nine. After getting a great review from You Gotta Read Reviewers, I am up there. I don't think I am gonna come down for awhile. It's nice on this cloud. I've never been here before.

I'd also like to mention that this Friday The Author Roast and Toast blog will be roasting Kat Henry Doran. Please drop by and make a comment. Tease and cajole Kat and spend the day laughing with other authors and your roasting hostess's.
Looking forward to meeting you all there. Ten in the morning till we are too exhausted to type. It's fun! http://authorroastandtoast.blogspot.com

Marriage Humor Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' ------------------------------- Wife : 'Do you want dinner?' Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife: 'Yes or no.' ____________________ Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?' Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.' Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?' Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?' -------------------------------------------------------- Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' ------------------------------ Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing..' Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' ________________________________ A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' ------------------------------------------------------------ Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever. The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.' ------------------------------- A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!' Husbands are husbands A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him on the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Sally on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Sally was the name of the horse I bet on' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

Why Men Are Never Depressed

I had a discussion with my cousin recently, he explained why he never seems to worry. Why things don't get to him. Why he never lets thing bother him. Here's what he had to say.

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $3500 Tux rental-$75. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $3.99 for a three-pack. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

No that's not my cousin. Too bad huh? Because it makes me feel better to look at him.

Flu Advise For Us All

If you wake up looking like this!




Don't go to work!


Looks Like you might have the flu.

North Carolina again!

My significant other loves fishing. Now mind you, these are trout farm fish, they jump on the line. They also cost like five dollars a pound.
Then you see my sweet niece, she loved looking for special stones in the dirt. Lo and behold one day she found a ruby! No way to know what it will look like until the cut it. She bought a ring with a setting to put the ruby in. The whole thing cost her seventy five dollars. When she asked her jeweler what it was worth he said sixty five dollars. Now that was a good investment huh?
The picture second from the top is what I like about North Carolina. Peace, quiet, friendly people, small town feeling and beautiful scenery to set the mood for my stories.
Can't wait to go again. In autumn when the leaves are changing and are crisp and red or gold. Then I will be able to be cool. Because here in Florida it's hot as Hades.
The car in the road. Well that's my property in North Carolina. We hope to build there if ever we can sell the house we're in.

So what's your favorite get away, get refreshed, place and why? Just curious that's all.

Brand New "Author's Roast and Toast" Blog

I am introducing a new blog I belong to, The "Author's Roast and Toast". You think you have seen this all before. Think again! Readers and Writers come one, come all. Be roasted yourself or join in the roasting. This is gonna be great!

Are you tired of the usual question and answer interview blog? Do you find yourself skipping to the end of a long promotion and trying to think of something witty to say. If you are then this is the place for you!
Do you have a sense of humor? Can you think fast with your comeback? Do you like verbal banter? Does something a bit different interest you? If so then this is the place for you!
Would you like to interact with some interesting new characters? Do you like critters? Do you have a good imagination and you always wanted to be roasted? If you do then this is the place for you.
If you want to have fun then why not join us?

Tell us what makes your book special. But tell us like we're family and follow the family rules. As much as we appreciate that tastes differ, please keep excerpts 'sweet' on this blog.
Five smiling ladies and their flippant side kicks will treat you to the book cook of your life.

Oliver will wait on you serving Miss Mae's secret passed down family recipe. To make you comfortable enough to let your hair down like you never would under ordinary circumstances.

Junior and Cuddles are anxious to meet and greet you. They are rather affectionate, so you might have to brush off the pet hair. We will try to control them. Luckily we have an herbalist who can fix whatever ails you, she will happily share that knowledge with you.

Come on over to http://www.authorsroastandtoast.blogspot.com/ on August 28th for our Opening Introduction to our funplex Then we settle into a routene on September 4th. We'll see you on Fridays from them on. Get ready to have some fun and forget that writer's block,
that sink of dirty dishes, the screaming kids or whatever got to you that day. Need a good laugh? Spend some time with us and see how we "Roast and Toast" an author or two.
I promise you'll be glad you did.

There will be prizes, I love prizes! You never know you just might win.

Permission to forward to your groups allowed and recommended.

Summer TV, I'd rather read a book!

Well here I am once again.
My DH and I are about to watch Hell's Kitchen. I am sure you have all heard of it or seen it. It's about a talented chef who has no ability to control his temper. He swears at his contestants, calls them names, and yells in their faces. Now that works for me.
Last night we watched some show about a neighborhood whose members are in a contest to win money. Last night they kicked out one of the neighborhoods best neighbors.
Or there is always Big Brother, where we can watch some spoiled, selfish, self centered people, learn how to perfect lies.
Have you seen any of the bachelor shows? I actually find myself feeling sorry for these fools.
One guy, twenty five girls, can these girls not do math?
The models are beating each other up. People are bouncing through obstacle courses that look potentially fatal to try and get through.
Now we don't have cable or a dish, I refuse to throw the money away. It's such a rip off. My DH put an antenna on the roof and we watch quite a number of free local channels. What makes me happy is looking at a tv guide and realizing I wouldn't watch any of the shows on cable if I could.
So tell me what else is there to do but read! Books never fail me, they take me away.
They teach me. They comfort me.
Give me a pleasant setting a good book and a pot of tea. Books are the best!

By the way I love this little faery! So cute!

More Funny Stuff

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!

1.I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2.I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''

his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.

He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5.An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6.An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

he replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage..

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D)
called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!

Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED.

I agree I am thankful for these things too!

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.


FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.


FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .



FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.


FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.



FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE



FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME


FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH. .


FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .


FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.


FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.



FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.


FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.



FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.


AND I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE crazy people I work with
BECAUSE they make work interesting and fun!

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL

BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE
THINKING OF ME.