Saturday, April 11, 2009

More laughs!!

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written

An impressive new book.. It's called ........

'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink

And be Mary..

3. The difference between the Pope and

Your boss, the Pope only expects you

To kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant

Flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to

Your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.

The seat folded up, the drink spilled and

That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes

Now, of course, there's

shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking

the trash out, gives the impression that

he just cleaned the whole house.

9 My next house will have no kitchen - just

Vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my

Mechanic might try to rip me off.

I was relieved when he told me all

I needed was turn signal fluid.'

11. Definition of a teenager?

God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may

The splinters never point the wrong way.

Getting a hairdryer through customs...

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'