My cousin Dave is a nut. A fun nut. He would do the craziest things when we were kids and he always made me laugh. One time he drove us right into Lake Champlain on his motorcycle. It really was cool flying through the air, but I don't know about the bike.
He was the king of making faces, he still is. Whenever I was with him we usually got into trouble somehow. But I loved it. Here's to you Dave, (by the way they're your jokes).
An older lady gets pulled over for
speeding...
Older
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer:
Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer:
Can I see your license please?
Older
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer:
Don't have one?
Older
Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer:
I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers
please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer:
Why not?
Older
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer:
Stole it?
Older
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer:
You what?
Older
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car
and calls for back up. Within 5
minutes
police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car,
clasping his half drawn gun
Officer
2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out
of her vehicle.
Older
woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer
2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered
the owner.
Older
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer
2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The
woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty
trunk.
Officer
2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite
stunned.
Officer
2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The
woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to
the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite
puzzled.
Officer
2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license,
that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older
Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding,
too!!!!
Don't
Mess With Old Ladies
A strawberry blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART! Why WAL-MART?? HELLOOOOOOOOO! WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!
To all the cousins we hung with when we were kids. We had fun didn't we?
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