Monday, December 21, 2009

Just A Little Christmas Fun

Merry Christmas Comments

This picture invokes thoughts of a warm holiday and that perfect atmosphere.
This next bit makes me laugh.

While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up.
>
> Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"
>
> Osama responded," You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything."
>
> The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."
>
> Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.
>
> " The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.
>
> The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Nancy Pelosi at his side.
>
> His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
>
> God is good.

I know I'm bad. But I couldn't stop myself.

Here's a present for all my friends.


Sexy Men Comments


Merry Christmas Comments



Thursday, December 17, 2009

Author Roast and Toast On Friday 12/18

The Author Roast and Toast crew is hosting Kathleen O'Connor on Friday. Come to her party. The atmosphere is warm and compelling.

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Make a comment and have some fun with this cyber party. Oliver will be making some of his specialties for our guests. And Kathleen is looking awfully good in her new outfit.


http://authorroastandtoast.blogspot.com


And please,


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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Thing About Christmas

We each have a picture of what is Christmas in our heads. A lovely scene with lots of lights. One of the first things to enter my mind is, go home for Christmas.

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Maybe a beautiful wreath?

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A special tree that touches your heart. A toasty fireplace to warm your cold hands.

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Maybe it's Santa Claus, or the Nativity. A bit of both?

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Whatever it is. I wish you the best, Merry Christmas, no matter what!

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Okay One Joke to make you laugh


A man was riding his Harley beside a Sydney beach when suddenly the
>> sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, The Lord said.
>> 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will
>> grant you one wish.'
>> The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to New Zealand so I
>> can ride over anytime I want.'
>>
>> The Lord said; 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
>> challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required
>> reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it
>> would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can
>> do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly
>> things. Take a little more time and think of something that could
>> possibly help mankind.'
>>
>> The biker thought hard about it for a long time. Finally, he said,
>>
>> 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want
>> to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me
>> the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says
>> nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy'.
>>
>> The Lord replied;
>> 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"





Thursday, December 10, 2009

It's beginning to get close to Christmas!

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My father used to decorate the house when I was a kid, inside my mom was allowed to help, but outside was a historical event. Every year he added more and more to the decorations. We lived in Burlington, Vermont at this time. When he started to do this, the neighbors began to do it too. It was like a contest and the more decorations the better. He spent a fortune on it and it showed.


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Every window had a candle and every window was decorated with the white spray snow. The closer to Christmas it got the more the men of the neighborhood scrambled. Especially when the city of Burlington held a contest for the best decorated yard. Alarms musta gone off, because all efforts doubled!

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The winner won a hundred dollars, a lot at the time and the house would be featured in the Burlington Free Press.

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Well my father won and we still have that picture framed in my mom's living room. For him it was worth the effort and it made the holidays just a bit more exciting. Decorations are just what you need to get into the mood and feeling.

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My parents made Christmas so special. I used to think the magic was Christmas time, when my parents were the one's who really made it magic! Thanks mom and dad, for making Christmas so special for us.


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Merry Christmas and may you have that special Christmas feeling!

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Saturday, December 5, 2009

No Snow For Christmas Here!


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I remember as a child how I felt on Christmas Eve. My mother was a pushover so if you wanted to know what she got you, you could usually get it out of her. The, what if I don't like it, always worked. In a family with six children the amount of presents surrounding the tree was

tremendous. My father would get the Christmas tree early, but never put it up until Christmas Eve. He put the lights on and most of the ornaments. It had to be perfect. One Christmas he covered the tree with tinsel, it looked like one huge lighted icicle. My preference always was no tinsel, because I wanted to lay under the tree and look up at all of the gilt and illumination above me, a mystical winter woodland, all in one single tree. I use to love the feeling of looking up from under the tree. It was so Christmas. I don't know if I could get off the floor these days. And Florida doesn't give that Christmas feeling, when you are used to being in Vermont. But this is how I like it to be.


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The house in a snowstorm is a Christmasy sight. It give me that feeling. Tell me candles don't do it.


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Looking out on a snowy scene just brings it all alive.


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I miss sitting in front of a fire trying to warm my cold toes. There's nothing like it to enjoy your Christmas Eve.


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It's a dream on a delicate snowflake. It's Christmas Eve memories.


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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Mona Risk gets roasted on Friday 12/4

Mona Risk is being roasted on Friday the 4th by the http://authorroastandtoast.blogspot.com
The Author Roast and Toast.
On this day we will take Mona to a beautiful beach in South Florida/

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Mona looks lovely in her white cover up and flip flops. We have a wonderful array of Greek foods.
Pull up a lounge chair and sit a while. Mona is going to have one heck of a party!

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We're looking to party till the sun comes down over the water.


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Have a great time!

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Saturday, November 28, 2009

Be Happy! Laugh a lot!

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AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

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I just love this picture, that's why it's here.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Good Way To Start The Day

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This is funny but so very true....



When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a
line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's
your turn,
you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is
occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman
leaving the stall.


You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the
wait has
been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for
the
modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is
handy, but
empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was
one, but
there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around
your neck,
(Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the
FLOOR! ), yank
down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.' In this position your
aging,
toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down,
but you
certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet
paper on it,
so you hold 'The Stance.'


To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what
you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind,
you can
hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to
clean the
seat, you would have known there was no toilet paper!' Your
thighs shake
more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on
yesterday,
the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around
your
neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle
yourself at
the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the
puffiest
way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.


Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door
hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of
your
chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank
of the
toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door,
dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose
your
footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET
SEAT. It is
wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too
late.
Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ
and life
form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet
paper -
not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You
know that
your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because,
you're
certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat
because,
frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you
could
get.'


By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is
so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a
fire hose
against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water
that
covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush
somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab
onto the
empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water
and the
wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum
wrapper
you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to
the
sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the
automatic
sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel
and walk
past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to
smile
politely to them..


A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of
toilet
paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED
it??) You
yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and
tell
her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered,
used, and
left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so
long, and
why is your purse hanging around your neck?'


This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
restrooms
(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to
the men
what really does take us so long. It also answers their other
commonly
asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the
other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you
Kleenex
under the door! This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else
could
describe it so accurately!


A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

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Sunday, November 15, 2009

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I am posting this so that you all will have a moment of laughter today!


Birds of a feather flock together . . . ..and then shit on your car .

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.'

If you think there is good in everybody, you
Haven't met everybody

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . ... .. . . .
AMEN!


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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

One Smile is all it takes to feel better today!

To put you in a good mood, one big smile will help!

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Yes this seems to be helping, I can feel a slight turn up on the edge of my mouth, and I like this picture a lot.

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I'm feeling a big grin start to take over my face, I can't help it, it's these pictures.

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Oh yes, I am smiling now from ear to ear, so look this blog over whenever you want to smile.

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Enjoy the day!!




Thursday, November 5, 2009

Just a Reminder

Don't forget to go to the http://authorroastandtoast.blogspot.com for a great blog and a lot of fun with Cindy K. Green, while we freeze our butts off for this wonderful White Rose Author. Snow bunny, hmmmmm? Sharon's wonderful imagination can almost make me one.

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Lyn, Mary and Sharon are shocking the multitudes! You have to check out this blog!!

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Forget how you usually feel in the morning and join us for some fun, verbal banter, laughter and a dose of Oliver, Junior, and Cuddles.
What better way to start the day.

Here is my Friday gift to you!

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Monday, November 2, 2009

This is why God made editors!



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Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-g ood-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren 't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
************* ***************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?


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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!!!!!! From Me to You All!

Beware Of A Witch

Beware Of A Witch

May Halloween Frolics Engage You Tonight

May Halloween Frolics Engage You Tonight

I Wish You Luck On Halloween

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween