I know when I laugh everything is better. For awhile I forget all the junk that weighs us down in life. I forget my problems and things are just easier to accomplish. Here's hopin' you get a kick out of these jokes. I want you to smile. Thanks again David. You make us all happier!
Household Hints by Martha Stewart and some common sense alternatives!
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice cream cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway!
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes
Buy mashed potato mix. Keeps in the pantry for up to a year
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you!
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-me-up.'
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!'
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks..
Celery? Never heard of it!
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't.
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away!
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
The jokes below reflect my cousin's male approach to life. But they still make me laugh. By the way, he hasn't found a woman who will fulfill all of his dreams. Wonder why Dave?
What's in a Name? A woman scanned the 20 guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. "Hello" she said. "My name is Carmen Gold." "That's a beautiful name" he said, "Is it a family name?" "No", she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most in life, Cars, Men and Fine Jewelry. "What's your Name?" she asked. He replied, "B.J. Titsengolf
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
That ends my jokes for today blog.
Thanks everyone for reading my blog. I hope you laugh!!!
I moved to Florida in 1980. I was born in Vt., but it's cold sooo long, I'll settle for scenic North Carolina.
I enjoy the change of seasons. Spring, summer, winter, and fall, all have such a unique flavor; here it's just too subtle.
I loved to ride horses more than anything.
My dog Junior is a character in my first book, and there will be more of my pets in my next book.
We moved a lot when I was young, from Canada to New York, and from Texas, to Florida. I met all kinds of people, and I find that the more rural it is, the more friendly people are.
I have been married for a long time. So long it's like he's my left hip. But I'll keep him, he can fix anything!
I have a beautiful secret garden, with everything from Plumeria, to Penta. There is nothing better than sitting out there with a good book and seeing the palms and ferns wave in the breezes, in winter, the real time to be here in Florida.
I have written and published my first book in a series that takes place on Lake Champlain in Vermont. My always home. The only thing like the Green Mountains are the Great Smokey's, and a little town called Bryson City, NC. My next home, hopefully!