I'll be back soon!

I'll be draggin' myself back soon!  In the meantime!

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
>
> Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.  One
> night the 96-year-old draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses. 
> She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
>
> The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know.  I'll come up and see.' 
> She starts up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or
> down?
>
> The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
> to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get
> that forgetful, knock on wood.'  She then yells, 'I'll come up and
> help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
>
> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
> March day.  One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn't it?”
>
> “No,” the second man replied, “it's Thursday.”
>
> And the third man chimed in, “So am I.  Let's have a beer.”
>
>
> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
>
> A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing
> home.  As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and
> say“Supersex.”
>
> She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.  Flipping her gown
> at him, she said, “Supersex.”
>
> He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, “I'll take
> the soup.”
> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
>
> Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
>
> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the
> years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. 
> Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a
> week to play cards.
>
> One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
> said, “Now don't get mad at me.  I know we've been friends for a long
> time, but I just can't think of your name!  I've thought and thought,
> but I can't remember it.  Please tell me what your name is.”
>
> Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes; she just stared
> and glared at her.  Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?” 
>
> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
>
> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
> rang.
> Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning
> him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the
> wrong way on Interstate 77.   Please be careful!”
>
> “Heck,” said Herman, “It's not just one car.  It's hundreds of
> them!”
> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!
>
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car--both could barely
> see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along, they came to an
> intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
>
> The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing
> it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red light.'  After a
> few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was
> red.  Again, they went right through.  The woman in the passenger seat
> was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned
> that she was losing it.  She was getting nervous.
> At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they
> went on through.  So, she turned to the other woman and
> said, “Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights
> in a row?  You could have killed us both!”
>
> Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh, crap, am I driving?”