A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION ... 10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought.
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION ... 5 MILES Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION ... NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?" He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...."
"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
Next One:
"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
What to do when you don't know what to do.
The Four Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was pretty good! But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?' The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'Coffee Break, do your stuff.' Coffee Break jumped to his feet....... ate the cookies........
drank the milk....... shit on the paper....... screwed the other three cats....... claimed he injured his back while doing so....... filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions....... put in for Workers' Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONEWANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
When you don't know what to do laugh!!! It does a body good. Ha!
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee. To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was pretty good! But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.' Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?' The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'Coffee Break, do your stuff.' Coffee Break jumped to his feet....... ate the cookies........
drank the milk....... shit on the paper....... screwed the other three cats....... claimed he injured his back while doing so....... filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions....... put in for Workers' Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONEWANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
When you don't know what to do laugh!!! It does a body good. Ha!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Let's talk to Emma Lai!
I met TWRP's lovely Emma Lai on the loop. From day one I have watched her take her precious time and comment on peoples blogs. Emma is a true sweetheart and one great author. Her inner beauty shines in her words and in her way of looking at life.
We are all lucky to have her. Welcome Emma!
Blurb:
Ellie Woods is in love…with a ship. When an argument with the ship results in a bump on the head, she finds herself in the strong arms of Alastair. But who is he and where did he come from?
Alastair has loved Ellie from afar for years, but duty has kept him from revealing himself to her. When a grave threat reveals his true identity, he hopes that Ellie will choose reality over fantasy.
Excerpt:
She fought to stay aware by focusing her gaze on the intriguing cleft in her rescuer’s chin. After a few moments, she tried to tilt her head back to get a look at the rest of his face, but the action made her dizzy once again. She gave up with a sigh and relaxed against his firm, broad chest.
She shrugged. Chances were she would not recognize him anyway. Over two hundred people served on the ship. She knew the dozen or so engineers who worked the first and third rotations and maybe another dozen crewmates by sight, others who worked the same rotation and happened to eat their meals in solitary silence at the same time she did. She would guess from the fact that he had to ask her name that he was not any of those two dozen individuals.
Maybe she should not have told him her real name. At least that way, when he talked about finding a woman helpless in the bowels of the ship, no one would have known who it was. Yeah, right, whom was she trying to fool? She was the sole person assigned duty to this area during fourth rotation. Her breath caught, and she stiffened in his arms. Who was he, and what was he doing in a restricted area?
“Relax,” he said.
“Who are you?” She tried to sit up in his arms, determined to get a look at him and an answer to her question.
He lifted her higher in his arms, which wedged her head between his head and shoulder and prevented her from getting a good look at his face. “Alastair.” His warm breath fluttered against her forehead and cheek.
Bio:
Emma uses her writing as an outlet for the myriad of thoughts that crowd her overactive mind. In addition to Mates of the Guardians, a series of short stories focusing on a mysterious group of individuals on a quest to save the universe and their search for love, she is working on a contemporary romance book and a science fiction/fantasy book series. She also has more plans for the Guardians. However, there is no telling what else she will literally dream up.
Are you a plotter or a panster?
All of my stories to date have been written via the seat of my pants. I planted my bottom in my chair and typed out the scenes that I dreamed up and let the characters have their heads. After delving into the Mates of the Guardians series, I discovered the value in plotting. I'm not saying that I'm going to be a dedicated plotter, but I'm carefully finishing up the Mates of the Guardians series with the knowledge that it will affect a book that I'm working on.
How long had you been writing before publishing your first book?
I just started writing fiction in June of 2008 to help me relax after finishing a writing intensive Masters program. (For the degree, I was writing one or two 15-20 page in-depth research papers every ten weeks.) However, I didn't get serious about trying my hand at writing for publication until November of 2008. I got lucky with my first short story submission, which was accepted by The Wild Rose Press a month after I submitted it. WOW and YAY!
What do love to do in your free time?
I read a lot, but what I really love to do is spend time with my husband. I know it sounds sappy, but it's true. We hang out together and just talk or go to the movies. He's one of the most interesting people that I know and keeps me inspired.
Is your husband and family supportive of your writing career?
Definitely. My mother-in-law is the one who encouraged me to submit, and my husband bugged me until I did. The rest of the family think I'm brave for sticking my neck out there even though they don't necessarily read romance.
Who is your own favorite author, and what do you like to read?
That's a really hard question. I have tons of favorite authors in a variety of genres. Some of my favorite classical authors include Lewis Carroll, Jane Austen, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and George Orwell. In fantasy, I'm following the Malazan Book of the Fallen Series by Steven Erickson. The man is a master at world building on an almost incomprehensible scale. I also follow Raymond E. Feist. My favorites of his were the Serpentwar Saga and Empire Series, which he wrote with Janny Wurts. For mystery, I read the Pepper Martin Series by Casey Daniels...who doesn't love a sassy woman who solves mysteries for ghosts? For historical fiction, I'm reading books by Anne Easter Smith. For Regency romance, I follow Stephanie Laurens, Lisa Kleypas, and Victoria Alexander, but they are by no means the only ones I read. For paranormal romance, I read J.R. Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood Series. I also read many of the authors who write for The Wild Rose Press. You can check out my author interviews to see who I'm currently reading.
What are you working on now?
I'm working on edits for the second story in the Mates of the Guardians series, currently titled HIS HOPE, HER SALVATION. Hopefully, it will be followed by HER FANTASY LOVER; HIS LIGHT, HER SHADOW; and HER WARRIOR'S LOVE which are all in progress. I also want to complete a contemporary romance I've been working on as well as a young adult fantasy.
How much research do you do for your books?
I probably spend about a third of my time on research. This includes looking at period clothing, politics, and manners; astronomy; and mythology. When I'm not writing a particular piece I still read history books and mythology books with an eye out for possible story ideas.
Let's all take the time to comment on Emma's blog and let the sweetheart of TWRP know how much we care about her. And let's all read one fabulous story!
For those of you blog hopping the next site is http://mizging.blogspot.com
Have fun finding those eggs and enjoy your prizes. From me an ebook copy of my own Tripping Through Time. Good luck with Skyhe's wonderful contest. No egg here!
You can find Emma at the sites below. Love you Emma!
Emma Lai (emmalaiwrites@yahoo.com)
http://emmalaiwrites.blogspot.com
http://www.emmalaiwrites.com/
His Ship, Her Fantasy - coming August 12th from The Wild Rose Press
Saturday, April 11, 2009
More laughs!!
| 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book.. It's called ........ 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People' 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink And be Mary.. 3. The difference between the Pope and Your boss, the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring. 4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant Flash and it is gone. 5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and That ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 7. It used to be only death and taxes Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too. 8.. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. 9 My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can. 10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my Mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.' 11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex. The splinters never point the wrong way.
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009
You all need to laugh more!
Being happy is a choice, so is laughter, smiles and pleasant attitudes.
Choose wisely! MCMR
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
This really works...!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?
Bail Out According to Maxine
"BAIL EM OUT! ????
Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country and our banking system to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey!"
stress (stres) n. A condition. When a person's mind overcomes the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of someone who desperately deserves it.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
and all the patients were shouting, 13.... 13... 13.
The fence was too high to see over,
but I saw a little gap in the planks
and looked through to see what was going on.
Some jerk poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting, 14... 14... 14.
Choose wisely! MCMR
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
This really works...!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?
Bail Out According to Maxine
"BAIL EM OUT! ????
Hell, back in 1990, the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They failed and it closed. Now we are trusting the economy of our country and our banking system to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a whore house and selling whiskey!"
stress (stres) n. A condition. When a person's mind overcomes the body's desire to choke the living daylights out of someone who desperately deserves it.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
and all the patients were shouting, 13.... 13... 13.
The fence was too high to see over,
but I saw a little gap in the planks
and looked through to see what was going on.
Some jerk poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting, 14... 14... 14.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
So Much Fun
Well I gotta tell you, the High Tea was wonderful. The place was full of laughing, talking, and eating women. I was afraid that they might not have enough to eat. But the food was plentiful and it tastes and looked fantastic.
They brought a service tray that had three tiers. After a delicate and tasty soup with tiny bits of chicken, celery, carrots and scallions in a flavorful base. And a crusty warm loaf of bread with butter. On the bottom tier was a warm cranberry orange scone, served with clotted cream, lemon curd and raspberry curd. Yummy. Then the middle tier had plenty of nicely presented finger sandwiches on delicious fresh breads, cut into special shapes. There was tuna, chicken salad, (it had very, very thin slices of apple, and mmmmmm), egg salad, tomato and a cream cheese herb spread, and of course the crisp cucumber sandwich with another tasty spread on it. The tray overflowed with the delicate sandwiches and if you wanted more, all you had to do was ask. The lip smacking said it all. On the top tier was desert; Petit fours, small chocolate brownie type cakes, little coconut soft cookies, the best tiny eclairs and cream puffs, those dainty meringue cookies, and a whole bunch of other things. The desert tray was so full, there was a lot leftover. And tea, whatever kind you wanted, they couldn't bring it out fast enough.
The talking, the laughter, the smiles and spring dresses, the hat,(Joanne, I wish I'd thought of that), and the genuine pleasure on everyone's faces, thrilled me. I felt a great sense of accomplishment and happiness to have pleased so many people. In these times, events like this help us to forget our problems and get away from it all. At our table we had a group pinkie's up toast!
Just having the opportunity to make that many people happy that they came, was worth every minute of worry and all the time it took to arrange it. I am so glad that everyone had a great time. That is the best part of it all for me. Everyone had fun!!
And that, makes me happy.
They brought a service tray that had three tiers. After a delicate and tasty soup with tiny bits of chicken, celery, carrots and scallions in a flavorful base. And a crusty warm loaf of bread with butter. On the bottom tier was a warm cranberry orange scone, served with clotted cream, lemon curd and raspberry curd. Yummy. Then the middle tier had plenty of nicely presented finger sandwiches on delicious fresh breads, cut into special shapes. There was tuna, chicken salad, (it had very, very thin slices of apple, and mmmmmm), egg salad, tomato and a cream cheese herb spread, and of course the crisp cucumber sandwich with another tasty spread on it. The tray overflowed with the delicate sandwiches and if you wanted more, all you had to do was ask. The lip smacking said it all. On the top tier was desert; Petit fours, small chocolate brownie type cakes, little coconut soft cookies, the best tiny eclairs and cream puffs, those dainty meringue cookies, and a whole bunch of other things. The desert tray was so full, there was a lot leftover. And tea, whatever kind you wanted, they couldn't bring it out fast enough.
The talking, the laughter, the smiles and spring dresses, the hat,(Joanne, I wish I'd thought of that), and the genuine pleasure on everyone's faces, thrilled me. I felt a great sense of accomplishment and happiness to have pleased so many people. In these times, events like this help us to forget our problems and get away from it all. At our table we had a group pinkie's up toast!
Just having the opportunity to make that many people happy that they came, was worth every minute of worry and all the time it took to arrange it. I am so glad that everyone had a great time. That is the best part of it all for me. Everyone had fun!!
And that, makes me happy.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Make 'em laugh!
| An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening.
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ... Now give me back my dog. I needed a laugh. How about you. I will let you know how the signing went. Wish me luck! |
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Just Thinking
Yesterday I watched the news and saw a story about a young English family with two children.
They had both lost their jobs at Woolworth's and are about to lose their home.
Catie Curic hugged the woman and tried to comfort her by telling her things will get better. I pray they will.
The stagnant loss of our pride and livelihoods has made a hole in the heart of the entire world. Our failures became world failure. A few greedy people, a lot of stupidity, and arrogance, has driven our entire planet into a fugue that will take years to come out of. There is blame to go all around. But very little repentance of any kind. The road to hell is also paved.
I hope that family makes it. I hope we all make it. I wish for world peace. I...
I have no say in any of it. All I can do is cry with that English mom, who may end up homeless. Because we, allowed it to happen.
Let's all try to stop the wave that threatens to drown our world. Start at home with a bit of kindness, a helping hand, a little Ward Clever would help.
Please don't forget if you are in the area. Come to the Serenity Garden Tea House on Saturday, in West Palm Beach, Fl. Just to even say hello. Come have a pot of tea with us and laugh. That's what I want to do.
They had both lost their jobs at Woolworth's and are about to lose their home.
Catie Curic hugged the woman and tried to comfort her by telling her things will get better. I pray they will.
The stagnant loss of our pride and livelihoods has made a hole in the heart of the entire world. Our failures became world failure. A few greedy people, a lot of stupidity, and arrogance, has driven our entire planet into a fugue that will take years to come out of. There is blame to go all around. But very little repentance of any kind. The road to hell is also paved.
I hope that family makes it. I hope we all make it. I wish for world peace. I...
I have no say in any of it. All I can do is cry with that English mom, who may end up homeless. Because we, allowed it to happen.
Let's all try to stop the wave that threatens to drown our world. Start at home with a bit of kindness, a helping hand, a little Ward Clever would help.
Please don't forget if you are in the area. Come to the Serenity Garden Tea House on Saturday, in West Palm Beach, Fl. Just to even say hello. Come have a pot of tea with us and laugh. That's what I want to do.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Book Signing
Well I am back to promoting my book signing. Myself and five other authors are hosting it at The Serenity Garden Tea House in West Palm Beach Florida.
This place is so cool. Even if you don't give a darn about the books, it's such a fun thing to have high tea. Every time I go there I see a pattern of china some relative had when I was a kid.
And the food, whew, it's wonderful. Those little tea sandwiches are the best. Along with warm homemade scones, your favorite tea, soup, desert. A real deal and a fun time. We hope everyone mingles and has the best fun ever. Now that would make me happy. The Palm Beach post just listed our event in the Accent section. Gosh I hope a lot of people come and we raise the joint in laughter.
Love to see you there, please come!
This place is so cool. Even if you don't give a darn about the books, it's such a fun thing to have high tea. Every time I go there I see a pattern of china some relative had when I was a kid.
And the food, whew, it's wonderful. Those little tea sandwiches are the best. Along with warm homemade scones, your favorite tea, soup, desert. A real deal and a fun time. We hope everyone mingles and has the best fun ever. Now that would make me happy. The Palm Beach post just listed our event in the Accent section. Gosh I hope a lot of people come and we raise the joint in laughter.
Love to see you there, please come!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Only the Irish are allowed to tell these jokes!
Irish I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul. As I played the workers began to weep. I played, and I played, like I'd never played before: From My Home and The Lord is my Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I never seen nothin' like that before--and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years." |
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Colonoscopy, going to places never gone before.
My cousin, who has always been the one with the craziest and funniest, sense of humor in the whole family, sent me this. We have all faced this test or will at some point in our lives. This post is just to make you laugh. But, I am going to have to make that appointment myself and the part about being asleep for the test itself, makes me feel better. So thanks Dave for the story and being my best friend as a kid. Even if you did get me into trouble all the time.
|
Thursday, March 19, 2009
When All You Can Do Is Laugh!
I was sitting here trying to think about what to post on my blog. It's always the same old stuff.
We all have so many things on our minds. I have the worry gene inherited from my mother. No matter
what I will worry about it. I think it would be good to stop and chuckle a bit.
So today I want you to laugh. Maybe this might help
GOOD
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant." The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."
You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
This is too good not to forward.
We all have so many things on our minds. I have the worry gene inherited from my mother. No matter
what I will worry about it. I think it would be good to stop and chuckle a bit.
So today I want you to laugh. Maybe this might help
GOOD
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."
The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant." The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."
The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."
You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
This is too good not to forward.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
The book signing at The Serenity Tea House in West Palm Beach, FL
We have made the flyers and have a poster up in the tea house. I am getting excited about this. Five other authors and myself, will be hosting it. I am so sure it will be so cool. The tea cups, the tea, Ha!, the good food, the great ambiance, all add to the tea experience. I won't say too much about the food, other than, it's wonderful. I have been there a number of times, and have never been disappointed.
I know that it will go by so fast, just like all good experiences do. We plan them forever it seems, and zing, they're over. But, thank heavens for photos, and a good memory. That I will have friends to share it with, just makes it all that much better.
This is gonna be fun. I wish a lot of other people I know could come. I have to call in my reservation too!
www.serenitygardentea.com Take a look
Multiple Author Book Signing Event
April 4, 2009 11:30 am-2:30 pm
The Serenity Garden Tea House
316 Valette Way, West Palm Beach, Florida
Mary Ricksen, Time Travel Romance
www.maryricksen.com
Patrice Wilton, Contemporary Romance
www.patricewilton.com
Jianne Carlo, Suspenseful Spicy Romance
www.jiannecarlo.com
Traci Hall, Young Adult/Paranormal Romance
www.tracihall.com
Mona Risk, Contemporary Romance in Exotic Settings
www.monarisk.com
Dayana Knight, Paranormal/Erotic Romance
www.dayanaknight.blogspot.com
For Reservation call 561-655-3911 (Max. 50 $22.45/guest Visa/Master Card
I know that it will go by so fast, just like all good experiences do. We plan them forever it seems, and zing, they're over. But, thank heavens for photos, and a good memory. That I will have friends to share it with, just makes it all that much better.
This is gonna be fun. I wish a lot of other people I know could come. I have to call in my reservation too!
www.serenitygardentea.com Take a look
Multiple Author Book Signing Event
April 4, 2009 11:30 am-2:30 pm
The Serenity Garden Tea House
316 Valette Way, West Palm Beach, Florida
Mary Ricksen, Time Travel Romance
www.maryricksen.com
Patrice Wilton, Contemporary Romance
www.patricewilton.com
Jianne Carlo, Suspenseful Spicy Romance
www.jiannecarlo.com
Traci Hall, Young Adult/Paranormal Romance
www.tracihall.com
Mona Risk, Contemporary Romance in Exotic Settings
www.monarisk.com
Dayana Knight, Paranormal/Erotic Romance
www.dayanaknight.blogspot.com
For Reservation call 561-655-3911 (Max. 50 $22.45/guest Visa/Master Card
Friday, March 6, 2009
Serenity Garden Tea House Author Signing in West Palm Beach
On Saturday April 4th, six local authors, Jianne Carlo, Traci Hall, Dayana Knight, Mona Risk, Patrice Wilton and Mary Ricksen, will be hosting a full afternoon high tea at the Serenity Garden Tea House, at 316 Vallette Way, in West Palm Beach, Florida, 561-655-3911. Check the web site for directions and information about the place; www.serenitygardentea.com.
The authors write romance; contemporary, young adult, paranormal, erotic suspense, and even time travel. The authors will be available to answer questions about writing, to make suggestions, have a raffle, and sign books. We encourage mingling.
The tea house is an amazing place. Kind of shabby sheik, when you look around, you can surely find your grandmother or your mothers china. The food is fabulous, there are teas I have never heard of in my life. And the scones, they're killer.
To ensure you will be able to participate in "High Tea" you will have to make a reservation. More to follow.
The authors write romance; contemporary, young adult, paranormal, erotic suspense, and even time travel. The authors will be available to answer questions about writing, to make suggestions, have a raffle, and sign books. We encourage mingling.
The tea house is an amazing place. Kind of shabby sheik, when you look around, you can surely find your grandmother or your mothers china. The food is fabulous, there are teas I have never heard of in my life. And the scones, they're killer.
To ensure you will be able to participate in "High Tea" you will have to make a reservation. More to follow.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I am Interviewing Heather Graham, Rhonda Pollero and Skhye Moncrief
I am a member of a wonderful blog called The Pink Fuzzy Slipper Writers. We blog about all kinds of things, and we have a wide variety of people with different opinions and strong ideals. We respect good writing when we see it.
So in that light I am telling everyone I have the privilege of interviewing three wonderful authors in the month of March.
On March 6th I have been fortunate enough to get THE New York Times Best Selling Author, Heather Graham to blog for us! Am I good or what!
We all know who she is and the list of books and honors would fill this page if I tried to put them all down on paper. She is the best of the best and her name will undoubtedly go down in the annals of romance history!
'The Runaway' convinced me agree to move to Florida, and the 'Seance', made me desperately want to be a part of a seance!
On March 13th, I will interview the up and coming author, Skhye Moncrief, who has publised seven books with the. . Skhye is a fellow author with The Wild Rose Press, my own publishing company. Where she is wll known and well loved. Her book, 'Haunted Hearts' exposes cults and 'He Of The Fiery Sword' is written in my favorite genre, time travel, a dragon in human form is sent back in time from the 61st Century. Cool!
On March 16th, I will interview THE USA Today Best Selling Author, Rhonda Pollero/Kelsey Roberts. Rhonda's acerbic wit drew me in and she makes me feel like I am with a down to earth regular person. Yet her class shines like a crystal chandelier. She is also the best of the best, and her books will also fill libraries till the end of time. From the Intrigue of 'His Only Son' which helped foster my love to read, to the to the hilarious Finley series, and 'Fat Chance', I got hooked. She cracks me up, Rhonda can write. Boy can she write!
PLEASE come to our blog at pinkfuqqyslipperwriters.blogspot.com, on 3/2, 3/13, and 3/16. (psst...I am trying to impress the others.)
I think if this is successful I will try to get other authors to blog for me. Are you with me?
So in that light I am telling everyone I have the privilege of interviewing three wonderful authors in the month of March.
On March 6th I have been fortunate enough to get THE New York Times Best Selling Author, Heather Graham to blog for us! Am I good or what!
We all know who she is and the list of books and honors would fill this page if I tried to put them all down on paper. She is the best of the best and her name will undoubtedly go down in the annals of romance history!
'The Runaway' convinced me agree to move to Florida, and the 'Seance', made me desperately want to be a part of a seance!
On March 13th, I will interview the up and coming author, Skhye Moncrief, who has publised seven books with the. . Skhye is a fellow author with The Wild Rose Press, my own publishing company. Where she is wll known and well loved. Her book, 'Haunted Hearts' exposes cults and 'He Of The Fiery Sword' is written in my favorite genre, time travel, a dragon in human form is sent back in time from the 61st Century. Cool!
On March 16th, I will interview THE USA Today Best Selling Author, Rhonda Pollero/Kelsey Roberts. Rhonda's acerbic wit drew me in and she makes me feel like I am with a down to earth regular person. Yet her class shines like a crystal chandelier. She is also the best of the best, and her books will also fill libraries till the end of time. From the Intrigue of 'His Only Son' which helped foster my love to read, to the to the hilarious Finley series, and 'Fat Chance', I got hooked. She cracks me up, Rhonda can write. Boy can she write!
PLEASE come to our blog at pinkfuqqyslipperwriters.blogspot.com, on 3/2, 3/13, and 3/16. (psst...I am trying to impress the others.)
I think if this is successful I will try to get other authors to blog for me. Are you with me?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Me and Ellen
A few years ago I had osteomyelitis, which is an infection of the bone. For a couple of months my hand hurt. It started out slightly painful and got to the point where if I touched it, the pain was incredible. I really hate going to the doctors so I pretended it would go away. I guess I was able to stand it because I was taking pain medication for my herniated discs. And I didn't want any medical expenses I couldn't afford to pay.
Well, one day I woke to find my hand enormously swollen, and a harsh red area on the inside of my upper wrist. My husband with his usual finesse, dubbed it my lobster claw. Well I was in the hospital for two weeks on massive doses of antibiotics. The pain was just incredible, nothing is worse than bone pain.
After that I had to go to the hospital every morning to get my antibiotics for over two months. I would go to Good Samaritan Hospital in West Palm Beach, every day including weekends.
On the weekdays I found myself in a large room, the same room that I had a PICC line installed in my arm. Ouch! Anyways, there were people there getting blood or platelet transfusions for cancer, and things like that done, as well as people like me. There were those there who had fatal diseases and suffered with fear and pain. A smile became a big thing for these people. It was, well, it was sad.
Now mind you I never watched Ellen before that. But because the TV was a community thing, I had to watch it. I found the show funny and engaging. But the very best part came, when Ellen danced.
Those who could hopped up out of their reclining chairs, including the nurses and aides. A sad and depressing place suddenly came alive. They were dancing around and laughing, and I couldn't believe it. For a few short minutes every day, they danced. They forgot for a moment, they forgot the pain, the fear and the unhappiness, and in that one moment Ellen became a star for me. Not for the comedy, but for the dancing. Can you believe it?
Toting IV poles and shuffling in slippers, rolling wheel chairs around, their pain was momentarily forgotten. A for just a while there was joy, pure joy, in a very sad place. It happened every day I was there. A little bit of momentary joy came into their lives. And for people facing death thats a good thing.
So I wrote to Ellen, and I invited her to come to the hospital and see. Well they never even answered me, they must get a million letters. But I'll bet Ellen would get a big kick out of the small gift she had given these people. A little fun for a few minutes. It would have to last some of them all day. But for them, they were able to escape. And that's where I came to realize that Ellen was doing the same thing we do as writers. I like to think that we as authors are giving that same gift to others. She gave them an escape. A time to forget their problems and have fun. How cool is that?
Well, one day I woke to find my hand enormously swollen, and a harsh red area on the inside of my upper wrist. My husband with his usual finesse, dubbed it my lobster claw. Well I was in the hospital for two weeks on massive doses of antibiotics. The pain was just incredible, nothing is worse than bone pain.
After that I had to go to the hospital every morning to get my antibiotics for over two months. I would go to Good Samaritan Hospital in West Palm Beach, every day including weekends.
On the weekdays I found myself in a large room, the same room that I had a PICC line installed in my arm. Ouch! Anyways, there were people there getting blood or platelet transfusions for cancer, and things like that done, as well as people like me. There were those there who had fatal diseases and suffered with fear and pain. A smile became a big thing for these people. It was, well, it was sad.
Now mind you I never watched Ellen before that. But because the TV was a community thing, I had to watch it. I found the show funny and engaging. But the very best part came, when Ellen danced.
Those who could hopped up out of their reclining chairs, including the nurses and aides. A sad and depressing place suddenly came alive. They were dancing around and laughing, and I couldn't believe it. For a few short minutes every day, they danced. They forgot for a moment, they forgot the pain, the fear and the unhappiness, and in that one moment Ellen became a star for me. Not for the comedy, but for the dancing. Can you believe it?
Toting IV poles and shuffling in slippers, rolling wheel chairs around, their pain was momentarily forgotten. A for just a while there was joy, pure joy, in a very sad place. It happened every day I was there. A little bit of momentary joy came into their lives. And for people facing death thats a good thing.
So I wrote to Ellen, and I invited her to come to the hospital and see. Well they never even answered me, they must get a million letters. But I'll bet Ellen would get a big kick out of the small gift she had given these people. A little fun for a few minutes. It would have to last some of them all day. But for them, they were able to escape. And that's where I came to realize that Ellen was doing the same thing we do as writers. I like to think that we as authors are giving that same gift to others. She gave them an escape. A time to forget their problems and have fun. How cool is that?
Friday, February 6, 2009
Things That Make Me Smile
Little old ladies who smile. They are very special.
Little old men who hold the hands of their long time spouse the little old lady.
Hyacinths and Lilac bushes, blooming in the spring. The feeling you get when you
watch the spring thaw. Huge mountains in the distance. Clear lakes, and bubbling brooks are so cool. Puppies and kittens, such sweet love. Fresh cut roses fill the air with perfume.
People who take the time to say kind words. Sappy love tale movies, old ones and new ones.
Soft baby bunny rabbits are sweet.
Honest people, people who are not self centered, they think of others.
I love people who make an effort to make someone else feel comfortable, welcome or loved.
Friends, old friends, new friends all types of friends.
Gentle people, people who smile and share smiles with others.
Babies, other peoples sweet babies, they smell so fresh and alive.
I like when someone lets me in front when I am trying to change car lanes. I like when a man opens my door, (yeah, I know, I still do). i like movies like Braveheart. Hugs and more hugs.
Lobster, lots of lobster. A good book review, even just one, gosh I'd like that, (yup). Reading, I love to read. I like Lost and Heroes and I have no idea why I like heroes, I like Lost because I like Sawyer, the brooding bad boy at his best. I love my mom, she is a good person. I love my brothers and sisters, so I like that. My dog, my big black baby boy doggie. People who ask how I am and then wait for the answer, that's really great, and really rarely done. People who keep their promises are very special.
So what are a few the things that make you smile?
Little old men who hold the hands of their long time spouse the little old lady.
Hyacinths and Lilac bushes, blooming in the spring. The feeling you get when you
watch the spring thaw. Huge mountains in the distance. Clear lakes, and bubbling brooks are so cool. Puppies and kittens, such sweet love. Fresh cut roses fill the air with perfume.
People who take the time to say kind words. Sappy love tale movies, old ones and new ones.
Soft baby bunny rabbits are sweet.
Honest people, people who are not self centered, they think of others.
I love people who make an effort to make someone else feel comfortable, welcome or loved.
Friends, old friends, new friends all types of friends.
Gentle people, people who smile and share smiles with others.
Babies, other peoples sweet babies, they smell so fresh and alive.
I like when someone lets me in front when I am trying to change car lanes. I like when a man opens my door, (yeah, I know, I still do). i like movies like Braveheart. Hugs and more hugs.
Lobster, lots of lobster. A good book review, even just one, gosh I'd like that, (yup). Reading, I love to read. I like Lost and Heroes and I have no idea why I like heroes, I like Lost because I like Sawyer, the brooding bad boy at his best. I love my mom, she is a good person. I love my brothers and sisters, so I like that. My dog, my big black baby boy doggie. People who ask how I am and then wait for the answer, that's really great, and really rarely done. People who keep their promises are very special.
So what are a few the things that make you smile?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Pet Peeves-Got Any?
People are different, each of us has something unique about us that makes us special. Today I watched a customer at a deli counter, be rude to the girl waiting on her behind it. Now as far as I am concerned, I wouldn't irritate the person who was currently handling my food. So then I started to think about my pet peeves. I don't know as I have more than anyone else does, but they seem to bother me.
First, I hate rude people. Like the customer at the deli counter talking down to her server. I always try to be nice. Then they offer me a taste.
I don't like lies. I personally always got caught, because I couldn't remember I lied. It isn't true so it doesn't stay in my head. I don't like it, I'd rather hear the truth than a lie, it doesn't work. And when someone lies to me and I catch them, I don't trust them anymore.
I don't like grouchy people. You know the ones who have road rage, or just act snotty. They are apt to be lonely.
Rude gestures, that finger should break buddy. Smile it shocks them.
People who run over others. Slow down, you'll only get there five minutes before me, and you will probably still have to wait. I mean literally too. Don't walk over someone to get where you want to go. It will come back to you.
Don't be late though. It's rude.(See above)
Stealing, give me back my change, if you deserve a tip, I'll give you one. Ever go to lunch and everyone leaves their money on the table. But the amount left is always short, and you end up stuck with the bill. You know who you are, it's stealing.
(Stealing includes taking anything that is not yours without permission)
Impolite men, open the darn door for me. I deserve the respect. Women love a guy who is a gentlemen, smells good and treats them right. Nice pecs help too.
Cursing, it makes a person look stupid and low life. I remember years ago I used the bad one and it was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well there never is a right time. But I was embarrassed when it came out. So I have been careful ever since.
So tell me people, what are your pet peeves, let's see what anyone else comes up with.
Next blog, I'll tell you what I like. Like my cousin who makes me laugh.
I got a list of that stuff too!
First, I hate rude people. Like the customer at the deli counter talking down to her server. I always try to be nice. Then they offer me a taste.
I don't like lies. I personally always got caught, because I couldn't remember I lied. It isn't true so it doesn't stay in my head. I don't like it, I'd rather hear the truth than a lie, it doesn't work. And when someone lies to me and I catch them, I don't trust them anymore.
I don't like grouchy people. You know the ones who have road rage, or just act snotty. They are apt to be lonely.
Rude gestures, that finger should break buddy. Smile it shocks them.
People who run over others. Slow down, you'll only get there five minutes before me, and you will probably still have to wait. I mean literally too. Don't walk over someone to get where you want to go. It will come back to you.
Don't be late though. It's rude.(See above)
Stealing, give me back my change, if you deserve a tip, I'll give you one. Ever go to lunch and everyone leaves their money on the table. But the amount left is always short, and you end up stuck with the bill. You know who you are, it's stealing.
(Stealing includes taking anything that is not yours without permission)
Impolite men, open the darn door for me. I deserve the respect. Women love a guy who is a gentlemen, smells good and treats them right. Nice pecs help too.
Cursing, it makes a person look stupid and low life. I remember years ago I used the bad one and it was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well there never is a right time. But I was embarrassed when it came out. So I have been careful ever since.
So tell me people, what are your pet peeves, let's see what anyone else comes up with.
Next blog, I'll tell you what I like. Like my cousin who makes me laugh.
I got a list of that stuff too!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
What to do when you get a bad review.
Yesterday I got my first review on my recently released book, 'Tripping Through Time'. You all know how it is. You work hard on a book, sometimes for years. And you do the best you can, learning all the way in the process. Your heart is in your work. It means so much to you.
And then somebody trashes you in your first review.
I don't know about the rest of you, but my parents always taught me that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And there is something wrong when a reviewer ignores that unspoken consideration, when she does a review. Especially when they have not published a book yet, and knows how hard it is and how important it is to you.
Well the first thing I did was to cry hysterically for about twenty four hours. And if I think about it I could still cry. Now I know I am sensitive and need to toughen up, but come on. Then I read the many kind comments people have made to me to make me feel better. They did. Even Christina Dodd got terrible reviews for a book that has been a best seller for years, my critique partner told me. Just ignore it. Well I'm a tryin'.
I know that different people have different tastes. I have read a lot of books I didn't go crazy over. But I would never, ever, trash someone. I have a heart.
Now I'll be honest I uttered a lot of expletives over the the last twenty four hours, toward the person who wrote the review. But only in front of my husband. I also sent out vibes. But all of that is a waste of time.
I decided I am gonna listen to the comments from other writers that are positive. And to give a lot of those comments right back to them. Because I always thought that was what it was about. Writers supporting writers. That's what I choose to do after getting a bad review. I have been told by several others that it's not about what people nay say, it's about sales. And for the whole month of January, I have been the number one best paranormal book sales writer, for the fabulous Wild Rose Press.
That's what I will focus on, while I kick that niggling review right out of my mind every time it try's to get in there. While I thank God for the many wonderful and hugely talented writers, who have been so supportive of me. Thanks guys I love you.
And then somebody trashes you in your first review.
I don't know about the rest of you, but my parents always taught me that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And there is something wrong when a reviewer ignores that unspoken consideration, when she does a review. Especially when they have not published a book yet, and knows how hard it is and how important it is to you.
Well the first thing I did was to cry hysterically for about twenty four hours. And if I think about it I could still cry. Now I know I am sensitive and need to toughen up, but come on. Then I read the many kind comments people have made to me to make me feel better. They did. Even Christina Dodd got terrible reviews for a book that has been a best seller for years, my critique partner told me. Just ignore it. Well I'm a tryin'.
I know that different people have different tastes. I have read a lot of books I didn't go crazy over. But I would never, ever, trash someone. I have a heart.
Now I'll be honest I uttered a lot of expletives over the the last twenty four hours, toward the person who wrote the review. But only in front of my husband. I also sent out vibes. But all of that is a waste of time.
I decided I am gonna listen to the comments from other writers that are positive. And to give a lot of those comments right back to them. Because I always thought that was what it was about. Writers supporting writers. That's what I choose to do after getting a bad review. I have been told by several others that it's not about what people nay say, it's about sales. And for the whole month of January, I have been the number one best paranormal book sales writer, for the fabulous Wild Rose Press.
That's what I will focus on, while I kick that niggling review right out of my mind every time it try's to get in there. While I thank God for the many wonderful and hugely talented writers, who have been so supportive of me. Thanks guys I love you.
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